Gratitude Journal. entry #8, 10/7/2020

Why keep a Gratitude Journal at all? (This is the saaaaaame intro for every Gratitude Journal entry. It’s here for the newbies to the journey.)

I try to start everyday with a Grateful heart. *duck face* Potna, I ain’t lying. You can check my IG accounts Queen/King. I get a lil raunchy on the Multiple_Sclerosis_Outlaw but I’m calmer, gentle with allthingsonelove. On both, I start my day sharing Gratitudes, stories of Gratitude and anything related to being Grateful. I’m dead ass serious about my Gratitudes because it keeps me present and accountable for my own energy. I recognize and appreciate the actions, words and energy of others intending me good. By starting my day with Gratitude, I have less MS pain, MS symptoms and MS depression because I’m actively pushing my thoughts towards in a positive direction of Gratitude. My relationships with others are stronger because my Grateful ass notices what others do for me, to me, WITH me. *bows* I could go on and on and on and on about the benefits of being purposefully grateful buuuuuut… *whispers* Pssst, you know I wrote about it…

link to How I Know Gratitude Works!

Why I chose THIS to start my day…

Because I deal with insecurities and overthinking every day, just like you. People crack my spirits and have me tripping, just like you. Situations seem hopeless, just like yours. There are countless times, days, nights that I swear it isn’t working and I’m doomed. I can’t go another… shake (remember, ya BOI can’t walk or step *wink*). Yet, here I am. Stronger. More resilient. Less needy. I have an image of myself as one of those types of people that enter a room and suddenly everybody feels better. I want to be that type of person. Helpful, purposeful and passionate in my actions. I want to be the cat that doesn’t complain and makes lemonade out of lemons. I’m getting there. I can tell by the fact that I feel WORTH it. I used to think that a good father/husband suffered silently for his family’s success. That WAS the trade-off. To meet that silly image, I spent the first few years of my diagnosis sacrificing my health. Now; I speak up for myself because I OVERstand that if my cup is empty, I can’t even help ME. I’m becoming a better person. I can feel the happy energy that others are getting by chopping with me. I listen to them but talk about good things, positive changes, offer solutions and listen again before repeating the cycle. I can feel when my kids come running downstairs to help me do something without being instructed or demanded. I can feel when I finish a session or shift but still have the energy to brand, build or blog that night or early next morning. I can’t give up on my damn self because I’m the one pushing my damn self. I will become the bestest ME possible despite everything and anything.

You better NOT give up. I’m still improving myself so I can’t give up either. Post your Gratitudes, read your books, jam the podcasts, journal, learn, grow. Check MINE out:

5.) Kids finishing book reports and I’M paying them for it.  I am talking about beating my chest, screaming at the clouds and pumping my fists. Once upon a time, I paid my kids for book reports. We went to the library, checked out physical books, knew librarian names and after reading, they would write a book report and email it to me. I paid them for how well it was done, grammar, spelling, clarity, flow, higher vocabulary were each elements of their pay. It went well until I couldn’t work and earn a consistent paycheck. Being broke, I forced them to do it and the quality of book report fell across the board. All of them started turning in waaaaack reports on easy, soft ass books. Fast forward like 1.5 years and the book reports are back paid. The change was almost simultaneous, they read without being told, have harder books and all around motivated to read.

4.) Wife using MY card for groceries.  *bows* Y’all may not understand, OVERstand or get it but this is BIG. I’ve had spells of employment over the years so it’s not like I’m always broke but I pretty much am. NOT RIGHT NOW THO! Right now, I’m finishing TEFL certification to teach overseas. I’m temporarily grinding it out with a work-from-home gig. I have an independent, online tutoring company that serves grades 1-9. When my card gave me warning about purchases being made, I first thought was, “Whoa. Which bill smelled my first paycheck? Gaaaah DAWG! I must have forgot to cancel my ___ subscription during the free trial! *ROTFLMMFAO* It was NONE of those. My wife was out shopping for groceries and stuff with MY card because I have money to help raise and feed these kids now! BOOM!

3.) I’m OFF today and I think it’s because I manifested it. 樂樂樂 I’ve been going hard for the past 3 weeks between school, new gig and writing. I have very little down time and when I do, I got family stuff to do. I spent all weekend and Monday worried about my lack of sleep, the negative effective on learning new job-related skills, the return of major symptoms. Queen, I was honestly scared that I didn’t have enough training and it was because I had too much going on. I was thinking about aaaallllll of this when my job announced that I was being transferred to a different department, different schedule, LONGER training, same pay, OFF Wednesday and Friday. *shocked look* Who Meeeeee? While the colleagues fell out in despair and fear, I silently gave another thanks to Gratitude for working things out in my favor.

2.) Before bed, I begged, hoped & wished to sleep longer than 3hrs. Guess what, slept 4!  I think I wrote a blog about MS and sleep. If I haven’t, I will. People, like me, #sickAF, the night is a terror. Nobody is up to help you through the pain. You struggle to stay asleep because tremors, shakes and *gulp* worse wake you constantly. A RR trip may turn out to be an hour long adventure. *sigh* To get that necessary sleep, I use cannabis, CBD, alcohol, yoga, meditation, tea, heating pads, oils, baths, chants, music and the list goes on. My wife drops jokes on the regular basis about how fast I fall asleep but she has no concept of how little I sleep. I’m up within hours of falling asleep with all kinds of symptoms. Last night, I said out loud, “Gimme 3hrs of sleep and I’m happy. THREE.” When I rose at 4am, that was 4hrs and I felt great. Laid in bed for a few minutes, getting myself together, and giving thanks because some of the pain had eased up. That is my Gratitude, getting that requested time of ZZZZZZZs.

1.) I STILL gotta job! ☎️ So, earlier, I mentioned the job transfer to different department, schedule, blah blah blah. SOME people ain’t make it to the new department. SOME folks made it but were immediately told that their services were no longer needed. SOME folks could be heard kicking, yelling in frustration at the position change. Me? I didn’t care about any of that. I was grateful AF that my position of employment was never in jeopardy. At least, I don’t think it was. REGARDLESS, I’m here, working tomorrow and back at it on Monday.

#progress #focus #growth #Gratitude #Grateful

Previous entry of Gratitude, 10/6/2020

Day #9, Gratitude Journal, 10/8/2020

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