DAWG. QUEEN. KING. SISTER. *straight face*
This exhaustion/fatigue for MS’ers is REAL AF. If you rock my blog, you’ve probably heard this before but I’ll it again, this exhaustion/fatigue for MS’ers is REAL AF. I know. I know. I know. Everyone get tired, exhausted, worn down, feels fatigue but this is different. MS fatigue/exhaustion is VERY different.
Ever felt like skipping a meal? Of course, drunk, super high, hungover, hiding from your kids, etc. It’s sooo many reasons to skip a meal but with exhaustion, I’m too exhausted to feel hungry, eat, drink, everything. This is complicated by the fact that NOT eating/drinking brings on dehydration and other issues. When I do eat, I’m aiming for something incredibly “leafy” or a candy bar. I can’t even finish a bowl of Moollenium Crunch ice cream when exhaustion is present! The “leafy” vegetables don’t really provide energy or a boost BUT prevent me from backsliding into more issues. The candy bar? Mr. Goodbar. 😉🍫
😑 I have fallen asleep on the toilet more than a few times dealing with exhaustion. I arrive tired than a MUG, mount that bad mammajamma and since I have IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) and probably gastroparesis, there is NO quickie. I don’t have energy to PUSH hard but I/WE should NOT be big time pushing anyway because YOU/ME can make shit worse doing that, hemmoroids, anal fissure, etc. Exhaustion days usually have periods where I’m wetting myself as I try getting to the RR. Bowel movements are tough AF and led to those naps on the pot.
Yuuuuuup. Falling is most prevalent on days of exhaustion because drop foot, balance and the inability to move my legs without help from my arms. Drop foot is the symptom where lifting the front part of the feet is difficult and leads to dragging or scraping the toes. The balance issues are everyday but with exhaustion, it affects sitting anywhere lacking bars, handles, rails. So, if I’m on the bed, couch, floor, I tip over. The direction I lean to most is forward or left. My legs and left arm have the most muscle weakness leading to dropping glasses, cups, phone, etc AS I fall.
WHAT sleep?! Ever been so tired that you couldn’t sleep? Mind keeps racing with different wild out scenarios and jacked up situations? Not with exhaustion. 🙄🙄 I go to sleep, it’s just staying asleep STINKS. You know those nights where it feels like you wake up every hour? That’s the entire day with exhaustion. I’m literally sleepwalking all day (Well, sleepRIDING because I have a wheelchair.). I noticed that I “whimper” and “sigh” out of exhaustion a LOT. Example, I’m trying #1 in the RR and the effort makes me grunt out loud and damn near empty my lungs! If I’m drinking water, I have to stop every freaking sip and breathe hard from the effort to swallow.
This is the most serious health risk with MS Exhaustion; I lose interest in almost everything. I can blog but I don’t because my language and perspective are rich with sarcasm, cynicism and genuine negativity. When I post daily Gratitudes, I keep it short, avoid stories and don’t respond to comments. The reason I KNOW melancholy/apathy is worst is that it sets me in a dark cloud of despair and depression. I stop self-caring, slow down with thank you’s and don’t laugh. I make crappy decisions because I’m unable to follow logic, connect dots and for lack of better words, think shit through. There isn’t enough energy or concern in me. Even as I grapple with the thoughts, I am aware that they are NOT mine but a product of the exhaustion and meloncholy/apathy.
How I Fight It
I avoid liquor and watch TF out of “funny” stuff. Liquor increases the likelihood of negative thoughts and I absolutely duck THAT. I watch funny stuff to encourage and promote laughter for my DAMN self. Exhaustion doesn’t “cause” pain in my body. Yes, I’ve explained some physical aspects but really, exhaustion slams my HEART and SOUL. Wellness is mind, body, heart and soul. Usually, the body’s limitations affect the other three but exhaustion disturbs my INSIDES more than outside. To combat that, I’m meditating and go hard after laughs as medicine for my heart and soul. I’m 100%, hyper sensitive to good times as a healing tool. If I can get the smiles up and on, I feel better about ME. If I’m feeling better about ME, the melancholy/apathy is lighter. Lighter melancholy/apathy means I can self-care, THINK and the healing begins.
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