This has been a consistent quote and Gratitude Assignment all semester at Daddy’s Academy of Gratitude. In my reincarnation as a father, husband and #sickAF individual, I am highly sensitive to the kind of energy that I give off. I know that if I’m feeling like dookie, deadbeat tired, hurting that it seeps from my soul. Once upon a time, I was ignorant enough to believe that I was hiding my pain and discomfort from my family. I would sulk and stalk the crib with a sourpuss face, answer everything with “I’m fine” and act like I was making some big sacrifice for the benefit of everyone around me. *exhales* I quit that narcotic last year. I still struggle with it, relapse into bad habits and do exactly what I fuss at my kids about; walk around with a bad attitude. *shrugs*. I’m getting better at recognizing MY bullshit attitude and today is a good example. To ME, it was a good example. I acknowledge that MY attitude was the issue. I woke up with a chip on my shoulder and primed for the fabled, “I-wish-a-muthafugga-would” creed of Melanin Kings and Queens around the globe.
I was feeling shitty because my plumbing has been off for a few weeks. Shhhhhiiiiiiiiiiid, to be for real, FO’ REAL, my plumbing has been jacked up for about a month. It is definitely a complication of Multiple Sclerosis and by now, I should be used to it but I am not. *looks sad* There is nothing specifically wrong about my plumbing, it’s just off in every aspect possible. Nope, not much pain but the discomfort, insomnia, dehydration wrecks my day and I’m somewhere on week 4 or 5. My usually grateful ass woke up in a dragon mode, spitting fire, breath stanking, gaseous, constipated, unable to fart, peeing every 30min, full AF. I don’t want to stay I am miserable because miserable is a state of mind. I will leave things at I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. Again, nothing hurting HURTING but sluggish, UNcomfortable, sleepy, dragging and straight up pissy than a MUG. It’s not my family’s fault. Snapping at the wife, kids, telemarketers won’t ease bowel movements into my atmosphere so the first step, I had to calm TF down.
How was I gonna calm TF down during a quarantine, broke and handicapped like a son of a gun? I needed help, lots of help, to distract myself from what I was experiencing and get myself together. On Sunday, the wife (Principal Mommy) and I went hunting for groceries, flowers and backyard projects. I am NOT the green thumb guy but I decided to sit outside and attach myself to the outside projects. The bending over, watering plants, digging, planting, etc was not beneficial to my poor stomach but at least the fresh air, sunshine and breeze cracked the intense concentration on the plumbing hardships. In other words, I could think of something other than gas, boo boo, nausea, and junk. As tight as my belly was, and it’s so tight that it’s affecting my breathing, I could smile, appreciate the beautiful weather and freaking relax A LITTLE. Yes, Academy was still going but this is one of those days that when the students (dem kids) just chill, I would extend lunch, P.E., anything that kept them quiet. Yup, I damn sho did too.
I was outside so long that everyone joined me. Everywhere we roll, anywhere we rock, we bring speakers and YouTube music. It is not a miracle cure but I began feeling better after about an hour. My tummy did not loosen up but I had no expectations of relief. Dawg, I am sooo real when I say I was praying for a distraction or decoy.
At some point, my wife brewed Jasmine Ginger tea for me. I did not start a tea man but I am a tea dude now. I considered a Smoothmove blend or something that alleviated digestion and intestinal issues. I decide not to because it has backfired several times and made shit worse. Yeah, literally made shit worse by increasing the bloating/gas/pressure but NOT producing a bowl movement, fart, poot, nothing. I was too close to the edge for that kind of risk so I rode it out. I am still riding it out. The jasmine ginger tea helped me by settling my mind state. There is something about having to blow a hot beverage or melting your tongue that makes me slow down. *straight face*
There were no plans for a Gratitude Assignment today due to MY personal issues but maaaaaaaaaan… *sniff* Kid #4, a true Daddy’s girl, is always, ALWAYS making me something fly. I needed THAT today.
I was playing on Pinterest and ran up on this. Damn right, it wasn’t an accident or coincidence. Everything will be ok. There is no big difference between how I felt yesterday, last week and today. I don’t know how the story will end, if I’m relapsing or if my disease is progressing AGAIN buuuuuut, I know that me and things will be ok.